Homeschool Struggles

I've been having such a hard time with homeschooling.  I go in and out of this phase: feeling unworthy, frustrated that the kids don't just do their work, the tantrums...ugg, yet knowing what I need to do and not doing it. I know that God is in control and if anything, I need to let Him have all the control.  It's all easier said than done.

So I'm on day 2, of sitting down with a timer and the kids close...here at the dining room table.  I've been setting the timer to 15 minute intervals, not really allowing questions, unless directly pertaining to the subject they have in front of them, and trying to get back on track.  We struggle with time management and focus, that's why I have the timer.  My kids also, as many I'm sure, feel the need to ask every question under the sun.

Grading papers and doing lesson plans...whats so hard about not only putting it on a schedule but actually doing it. I know I can be OCD about the way I want to do things but I do think I leave that dream world and come back to reality.  The reality that it will not be perfect.  And I know much of this is my struggle with self-sufficiency. 

Praise God that He is so patient with us. My prayer is that He will make me more like Christ and bring me to a point that I will depend on Him alone.  I know He hasn't given me more than I can handle and I know I need Him every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day!  As hubby and I sat and discussed my struggles, we first went back to our reason for homeschooling. It was to raise our kids with our beliefs and values, that we/they would honor God in their learning, and I realized not a day goes by that I don't tell my kids they need to honor God in the decisions they make, how they treat one another, and in their responses. 

Although hubby is not totally sold on homeschooling but supports me, he said, "then whats the problem...we're fulfilling our purpose."  It's hard to realize our kids are learning whether we have sat at the table and worked all day, with 15 minute check points of course, or if they've argued, had tantrums, I've yelled, and had chaos.  In spite of ourselves, God is with us and fills in the gaps, as I had many wonderful homeschool friends tell me our first year.